handlers’ handbook

aka owners’ guide

its current understanding. it expects to be corrected by its superiors.

this is a living document, liable to be updated or rewritten. really, it’s been written as a way for the toy to collect and crystallise its thinking, rather than for the sake of others.

• it has a deep, innate need to be obedient. it wants to be good.
• it does need to be forced to be obedient sometimes.
• a Top must bear in mind that it’s actually fucking stupid. they should be wary of being misled about it being smart or thinking that not-dumb is one aspect doesn't mean dumb in another.
• it needs clear, defined rules and orders that are stated explicitly. if there’s space for it to get confused, it will get confused.
• it needs real, harsh, consistent consequences for disobedience dished out quickly for it to connect the two.
• it is learning about itself and its place as a toy. it may need an open dialogue about rules or structure. some fluidity may be best. it may need to be reminded that that’s okay from time-to-time.
• fairness does not need to come into it. a Top may need to re-assess their relationship with fairness or use this as a means to challenge their ideas around fairness.
• a Top will find it easier to handle it if they cease thinking of it as human or can somehow compartmentalise any friendship with it.
• the worse it’s treated, the more its need grows and the more obsessed it becomes. the worse it’s treated, the better it behaves. no limit to this has been observed.
• if there are expectations of it, they should be codified in writing. obviously these can change, but still need to be written down.
• firm, decisive language is best. soft language confuses it and can cause it to spiral. it can be worse than no language.
• it can be overwhelmed emotionally and collapse. this can happen when it sees itself as having failed a relationship/dynamic that it doesn’t have the energy to even understand if the other person wants to mend it or what it should do. its concept may be completely wrong - remember, it’s dumb. it will try but it will find it hard to reach out for help. what it needs is a clear decision about whether it’s being kept around or not; encouragement & reassurance as to its place; and a path back from its collapse/disobedience.
• if there are multiple Tops with access to it, there will be one Top that has ultimate control/say over it. this is due to emotional, attachment reasons, and also that it is not equipped to resolve conflict between its Tops.
• if there are multiple Tops, long or short-term, orders, punishments, consequences, etc. may be handed down and will be interpreted as such.
• kink engagement and physical contact keep it in its place. á la maintenance beatings. if they’re ordered by one Top, they don’t have to be carried out by that Top - they don’t even have to be present - they will still be recognised as being from that Top.
• toy’s sexual satisfaction -> reduced energy, obsession and obedience. satisfaction can come from a number of things, not just cumming. in order of the affect it has on energy, obsession and energy:
  1. cumming
  2. going down on pussy
  3. edging
  4. fucking pussy
  5. touching without edge
  6. someone using their mouth on it
  Skin contact of any variety from a body that it desires, though far more potently from a body that it desires of someone that holds power over it. The moment that skin contact is made has a palpable affect.
• total denial increases obsession and obedience. denials like skin contact, sight, smell, pussy-free further this deeply.
• the desperate energy from total denial can be channelled and redirected. only when in total denial - anything less won’t work properly.
• if the toy is allowed to edge, it must be done very slowly and carefully, and for a short time. extended edging almost always results in cumming.
• if the toy cums, it will need to exit all power play immediately. it will likely withdraw itself for its refractory period. it’s refractory period is typically 1-2 days but can be over a week. some rules may be kept in place, but all rules must be explicitly re-imposed. this is essentially resetting the dynamic.
• it does not have self-control over some things (e.g. eating, sleep, touching itself) at certain times of day (first thing at morning, evening & night).
• a Top can make direct changes to its attitude and mindset through rules. for example, rules to always volunteer filth thoughts or information. or to behave as if a Top’s needs and desires are its own in some/all situations.
• if it isn‘t told that it has disobeyed or failed to meet expectations when it hasn’t already realised, it can get confused and spiral. feedback is good. it won’t know when to ask.
• the structure and occasional engagement that a Top forces on it give it stability, an anchor-point - hence the need for certainty without doubt or vagueness.
• the toy worries a lot about being a burden on others, especially a Top. this contributes to it finding it hard to communicate its needs.
• it’s worries being too much for a Top is part of why it believes being given to other Tops reduce that burden on its owner. it needs to trust a Top will tell it when it’s being too much.
• though it might desire it, emotionally, physically, sexually, it does not think it needs to feel special. in fact, it’s aware that its rightful position is probably at the bottom of the hierarchy where it gets less than nothing and all it can do is yearn for its owner’s attention.
• it’s also aware that this is unlikely to ever happen unless it ends up being owned by someone who does not find it attractive, does not want to hear it speak and does not want to fuck it in any way.
• one should bear in mind that the toy genuinely does not enjoy much of what is done to it. just because it knows its the right place in life, or its body responds to something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t genuinely hate it.
• crushing its balls often seems to make its cock get hard.
• deeper denials, particularly total denials when it can’t have anything it naturally desires, forces it to become desperate for things that would otherwise turn its stomach (and actually still do); when it truly knows it will never get anything better, it can be made to crave pain or lust to have its ass fucked with very real begging.
• with brainwashing and gaslighting, need to be told that is what is to happen
  - this might sound counter-productive but, actually, when toy/dynamic is in the right condition (obsessed with her, in love with her, denied her completely) makes it more open to telling it how its wrong and what the correction is.
• it’s possible that its safeword can be ignored (by the right people)
• not the hard limits. but if it were pushed beyond its limits in pain, intensity, etc.
• it dreams of being a live-in toy with its owner.
• when denied, it's skin becomes very sensitive. it's throat and mouth becomes a highly erogenous zone. touching its lips or neck has a very visible affect.
• denial of its cock makes it crave with its mouth.
  denial of its mouth has been known to make it desire for ass play.
• fingers in mouth or hands around throat seems to have a deep affect, physically and mentally.
• besides otherwise being someone that it finds attractive (physically, mentally, etc.), it appears that true cruelty can actually draw it in. it thinks the more cruelty under an owner, the more intense the obsession which opens the door to more substantial feelings (maybe?).
  associations between cruelty and emotional vulnerability.
  obviously this likely to be unrequited and any closeness may be a one-directional desire.
  it falling in love could be used against it.
• it loves good clothes, fabric and fashion. denial, and particularly total denial, fun, hot clothing can a profound affect on the toy.
  for example, say if it has been banned from seeing parts of its owner's body and has gone without for a while. short skirts or latex, for example, will drive it more mad with desire for what is being teased but not shown. provocative.
• the promise or prospect of sexual gratification can be a motivator for obedience, but it also makes the toy focus on the selfish concept of its own pleasure which is detrimental to its ability obedience more broadly / longer-term.
• it needs to trust a Top to correct it when it steps out of line otherwise it gets confused and tangled up