i can’t stand my sexuality
i can’t stand my sexuality. much of the time, i just want it taken away. i don’t know if i just internalised the things you’ve said, but it feels correct that someone would take an interest, not in having sex with it, but to actually keep it locked in spikes so that it’s forced to avoid arousal. forced to not think about what’s between its legs. to quite literally have desire replaced with pain. a pain bad enough so as to avoid both.
it feels like a weight would be lifted off my shoulders. i don’t want this. this responsibility. i want to experience someone taking that control and responsibility and not worrying that they’ll ever give it what its body wants. someone that enjoys taking it, and genuinely doesn't want it.
thinking aloud
maybe i hate what cock does in the same way you do but without the obsession.
i can’t currently commit to permanent ownership. i want to be careful with making promises yet and i want to explore the limits of things through this temporarility. this said, these are not feelings that vary much - and, regardless of if its your influence or not, i believe this is the state i should be kept in. this and denial.
i fantasise about it. about the self-control it it would give me and how i think i could be a better person for others. how i could build better friendships and relationships with people if i wasn’t worried about how they, or i, would inevitably fuck - or just want to fuck - and confuse things. so it’s a pre-settled conclusion as much for them as the toy for me - it doesn’t have to think about whether they want to have sex with it if it literally can't even think of the topic anyway.
i love classical, pleasurable sex, i love a lot of things about it. i don’t need to explain that. but i really do wish it wasn’t this factor that seems to creep into everything.
oddly, people wanting to play - with the power dynamics, cruelty and what it would mean if the burning undercurrents of desire were there, but truly crushed without hope - feels different. maybe because it’s a. they’re just interested in fucking around with this stuff or b. less serious, less emotional play.
i don’t know, that’s another topic anyway.
replacing its sexuality
if a Top wanted to replace its sexuality with their own for their benefit such that there is no overlap, that’s okay. for example, using it to fuck men for entertainment, degradation, or in search for men for themselves.
the way this is done:
- make it explicitly clear what it no longer has and what it is for now, remind it. make it believe it. no distractions.
- make it understand explicitly that the toy is only to think and act for her pleasure and the pleasure of her friends and partners, not for its own. the toy’s desire and pleasure no longer exists.
- this is enforced. even small strays from this is punishable.
- this cannot co-exist with allowing it to hope for sex with the Top. replacing the toy’s sexuality with hers necessarily means anytime it feels/expresses its own sexuality, it is disobedience and selfish disrespect - they are mutually exclusive.
- unfortunately correcting a toy’s mind like this is active and take energy, either by the Top or by third-parties acting on her behalf. with priorities established, the toy can be expected to give guidance on this though.